I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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