it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
