this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
