i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
