She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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