in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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