I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
