i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
