He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
