Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
