Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
