Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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