the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
