I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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