I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
