Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize