I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
