Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
