im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
