i permit you to call me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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