if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Let's paint friendship bongs
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
