oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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