We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
