i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
