When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm like, not good at living.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
