you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
