Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
