Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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