Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
