Sober January is a disaster.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
