Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
