I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
