My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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