Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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