I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
