hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
