he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just had sex on a roof
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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