he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
