getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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