Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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