I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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