why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
