he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
