Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
