Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
