hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
