you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
