I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
