I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
