I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
