so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
