I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
