Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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