I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
