yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
